take another picture with your click, click, click, camera

name that song and i'll give you a dollar.


soooo.... this happened:
and you will not believe how devastated i am about it. i mean yeah its only the mic, and yeah its fixable, but i honestly don't know what i'll do with myself between now and the time i get it fixed. filming is so much a apart of me, that i don't feel whole without it.
i keep telling myself that i'll be great, because i'll be able to skate more (something i desperately need btw) but at the same time all i can think about is the wasted time spent not filming. its literally on my mind all the time. i'll be hanging out with friends and i'll be thinking of what spots we could be at instead of hanging out. or i try and think of new creative ways to film, to keep the viewer interested. even when i'm sewing its on my mind. or i'll be listening to music, and i'll editing footage in my head, and deciding whether the song that is playing would be good in a video or not. things like that...
i guess over the last however long its been since i picked up a camera its become so much a part of me, that not having the ability to use it is like not having the ability to sing, or see. it means that much to me, and it just bums me out beyond belief.

that's all. i'll let you know when its fixed. have a good'n












the song is "Click Click Click Click" by Bishop Allen

i'd like to take a minute

i'd like to take a minute to be real.
to be serious.
to reflect on where i am in life.

on may 16th, 2009 i should have been wearing a cap and gown. i should have been breathing a sigh of relief that i was finally done with college. i should have gotten a piece of paper saying that i had earned a degree. i should have been doing something. something to say that the last 4 years of my life were well spent, that i had gained a higher level of understanding of life, and of the way things work.
instead i was out filming. skating the day.
do i regret the choices i've made? to an extent. 4 years ago i started school, a bright eyed freshman with a future planned out. i knew where i was heading, and how i wanted to get there. that focus and those dreams slowly became clouded. through life experiences, and life decisions i have ended where i am today: degree-less and on an unclear path.
would i change who i am today? no. would i change where i am? you bet.
while i won't say i don't enjoy the life i live, i know that i have the potential for so much more. i have a great opportunity to do something with my skill sets, and be great. i love the people in my life, and the people who have helped me become the person i am. i appreciate my teachers, and my classmates. my friends (both in the theatre and on the skateboard) mean the world to me. the two groups are like night and day, but i don't know what i'd do without any of them.
to be honest, i'm scared. scared to have the people i've known for 4 years leave, and scared where i will end up, without a degree.
while i love and appreciate skateboarding, for all it has done for me, i'm scared that my focus on it has hindered other aspects of my life. like my acting- another great passion of mine. i can't look toward my future without seeing both pieces, and yet i'm having a harder and harder time seeing how the two pieces fit together.
i know that the Lord has great plans for me, and that when i trust in him i can achieve anything, i just doubt sometimes that all i want to achieve will happen.

i feel like i've cheated myself of an extra step in life. like the people i've gone to school with the past 4 years are leaving me behind. i know its just a really expensive piece of paper, but i want that piece of paper. and to see them all with it, and to not have one of my own hurts. i know i always joked that i didn't even go to school at Wesleyan, but to say it now, and actually mean it, makes me feel like garbage. i never pictured myself without a degree, and yet here i am- out of a school that i hate, and yet hating that i'm not there.

oh the troubles of life.

you know

the more i watch the lakai video, the more i appreciate anthony pappalardo's part:



i also LOVE the 6 cubes piece. it works so well.



i'm up at 5 cutting patterns for jeans, so i don't have to keep using the same one over and over. in like a hour i'll have individual pieces for every size. hooray. i'll be rid of the crappy paper one.

this is my little break, as my back hurts from leaning over a table that is too short. the end.

fridays with jeff

figured i'd throw it up here too. enjoy!